I just came across a picture of the official football scholarship letter that we send out to potential recruits who are being offered an athletic scholarship to play for the Aggies. The letter is signed by Dan Hawkins and it contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentences in it.
Maybe I'm being nitpicky but I find that a bit embarrassing. One of the biggest selling points that we routinely make to potential recruits is that we are a top 5 public institution that offers a world class education to athletes who value education as much as athletics. It seems to me that we should at least be able to write a grammatically correct letter to potential recruits if we are going to pitch high quality academics as a benefit of choosing to play at UC Davis. Geesh...!
The following is a screenshot of the text of the letter:
I noticed it several weeks back, I was going to give it to someone discretely. If you're going to squawk about something, better take care of the details.
I'm also not a fan of the all bold, Caps Everywhere if you are an Important Person. But I know we're selling. Even cutting the caps in Half would be An Improvement.
I think this is fake news planted by a foreign government's hacking operations to bring discredit to UCD and its athletic program. Elections are one thing, but this is Aggie football, baby!
Hahaha... I wish it was fake news and not something written by our athletics department.
Seriously though, did anyone in the department proofread this letter before using it? Who knows how many potential recruits got the same letter? Let's hope their parents didn't read it too carefully.
I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill but it is embarrassing to send an important letter like this to an athlete, singing the praises of being able to get a "WORLD-CLASS" education at UCD, that is full of grammatical errors. We is smarter than that, ain't we?
On a serious note, I have no reason to doubt that this is in fact from the school. Wish I did. With the changing fonts, random capitalization, grammatical errors, scripted "signature"....it reminds me more of the letters I get inviting me to a "free" meal where I can learn about how I will benefit by buying reverse mortgages, time-shares or annuities.
Let's see.... putting the English minor from UC Davis to work:
Dear Jeff,
This letter identifies you as a top prospect for the 2019 Football Recruiting Class of the University of California, Davis. We feel that you are an exceptional player and person and that your talent will help our program ascend to new heights. We have completed a thorough evaluation of you as a student-athlete and we are absolutely confident you possess the ability to make a game-changing impact on our program.
We know of your desire to receive a world-class education from one of the finest institutions in the country as you possess great character qualities. We also know you have a limitless future as a football player. As a result of these characteristics, our staff would like for you and your family to join our football program and Aggie family.
We are pleased to officially offer you an athletic scholarship to UC Davis. This is the grant-in-aid permitted under NCAA regulations. This award covers -- per NCAA regulations -- your tuition, room, board, course-required books, and miscellaneous fees. This offer is contingent on the following criteria:
- Admission to UC Davis
- Meeting all NCAA and UC Davis eligibility requirements
- Ability to maintain high standards of personal conduct
- Availability of remaining scholarships at your position
As a verbal commitment, we are thoroughly excited that you feel that UC Davis is the best place for your academic growth and that Aggie Football is the best program for your growth as a player. Congratulations on your football achievements up to this point and best wishes to you on your season.